With the start of a new year comes all these plans we want to make. Where we want our life to go, how much weight we want to lose, goals we hope to accomplish, etc. Most people hold onto their diet for most of January if they are lucky but most of us forget all about our resolutions until December 31st of the following year. I always have the same goals in mind about working out, building up my bank account, spending more time with friends, spending more time alone, and enjoying life more. Most of those get thrown off course pretty quickly into the new year. “Enjoying life more” has been something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Being in the middle of wedding planning as a 29 year old who has friends who are all in various stages of life, was laid off last summer and sometime in the next few years would like to purchase a home and start a family I have been realizing I am not enjoying life nearly as much I would like to be. I am always thinking about where I am supposed to be in life, what I am missing out on, and what I need to do in order to catch up.
Since being laid off this summer I have started a new job. I am still getting settled but I do like the position and the people I work with. However, most of the time I feel like I just work and then go home and sleep. The work/life balance is so difficult! Has anyone figured how to master this? I want to give my all at work and I want to give my all to my relationship with my wonderful fiancé. I also want to be a good daughter, a strong leader, a good Christian, a good neighbor, a good friend, and overall just a good person. I always want to do more. But if I am being totally honest, I also really want to lay in bed, with some chick-fil-a and binge watch anything on Bravo. I am the most motivated yet lazy person I know.
Work is going well. My boss is great and my new team of people are helpful and kind and we get along well. I am starting to work over time which is great for the bank account but takes me away my fiancé. Learning a new office comes with excitement and challenges. Since I was little I have always wanted to be the best. At everything. I would quit things when I couldn’t excel at them the way I wanted to. I also have this tendency to be a people pleaser. I always want everyone to like me and be impressed with what I have done. This is by far, both my worst and my best quality. It makes me work hard but it also turns me into a pushover who people try to take advantage of. At 29 I still have not figured out to tackle this and be a good employee without doing too much or giving too much of myself to a company or a job that will never love me back.
Being laid off and then having to apply, interview, and (eventually) starting a new job while wedding planning is not ideal. Not at all. The initial panic of “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!” was so overwhelming that I sat down in the shower and cried for probably close to an hour. Sometimes you just have to let it all out. Since I am such a perfectionist, my focus has been 90% at work and 10% wedding planning. It is officially time to shift my focus. We are 5 months out and I have so many decisions to make and so many checks to write. Tomorrow I am picking up my dress, and tonight I am going to dinner with my MOH to discuss bachelorette party details. My aunt and I are picking out the bridal shower invites, and next weekend I have my hair trial. People keep telling me this is the best time of my life and while I mostly agree, that puts a lot of pressure on brides. Wedding planning is hard y’all. Its expensive and everyone has an opinion about every little thing. An opinion they are not afraid to tell you. I keep coming back to imaging the moment when everything is done and I am walking down aisle and saying my vows to the man I love. The man I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to find. It will all come together and I know that but it doesn’t mean anxiety doesn’t creep its way in. 150 people are going to be staring at me in a wedding dress. Talk about intimidating! This is the biggest decision I have made in my life thus far and also the most expensive party I will ever throw. I want everyone to enjoy it. Mostly I want myself and my fiancé to enjoy it.
JustJessica 